Dating a Widow. (According to YouTube, and various websites).
Created: 2023-04-20
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One of the Boys
I'm a data nerd, it's how I process. So while looking at Widows/Widowers, they had a lot of YouTube videos and articles on Dating a Widow/Widower (or dating as one), and faux experts offering conflicting advice. It's basically, them projecting their own issues onto all the rest. Like:
- Widows cut through the bullshit and don't want to waste time on games -- they want to get to relationship status. But then others are scared of getting hurt and just want a fuck buddy. So they're saying Humans tend to over-correct in one direction or another, and many don't find balance? Doesn't that same advice apply to divorcées, or people that never got married?
- Widows might want to rush in... or take it way too slow. See #1. They are hurt/hurting with something that will never go away. So are they running to replace or running for something new? Baggage is nothing new or unique to Widowhood. And even the kind of baggage isn't.
- Widows might internally compare you to their ex'es? But they are also forgiving of small flaws/quirks because they miss those quirks that annoyed them in their late spouses. So non-widows don't compare you to exes? Learning to notice deal breakers and overlook minor quirks seems like good dating advice in general -- especially to those with children in the home. (Maybe a little restraint/caution is good, but a lot isn't).
- There was the "Widows that keep pictures, or wear rings", or "if they don't introduce you to their friends/family" means they aren't ready. Yeah -- in the extremes, that's obviously true. But it is a process. Friends/family can be judgy -- so there's a pacing issue there. Or some families/friends that are just easier to avoid confrontation by not sharing. And again, this applies to dating in general.
- In the end, I didn't find much value in these. If the diversity in a dataset exceeds the commonality in the dataset (and it does), then it's all noise (no signal/data). The advice was conflicting views trying to generalize things and where either too broad to be useful, or a stereotype that doesn't fit the many outliers. Sure, many people aren't self aware, all have issues and neuroses, but that applies to Widows, Divorceé's, career Single, married and cheating, and so on. So widows lost someone they loved instead of a more acrimonious break-up, and some have baggage from the loss (as they will always love their late spouses). The only thing I got from that is that insecure people need not apply. That doesn't translate into good generalizations for dating -- for them or who they are dating. I was hoping for some epiphanies/insights but got mostly garbage instead.
- Widows cut through the bullshit and don't want to waste time on games -- they want to get to relationship status. But then others are scared of getting hurt and just want a fuck buddy. So they're saying Humans tend to over-correct in one direction or another, and many don't find balance? Doesn't that same advice apply to divorcées, or people that never got married?
- Widows might want to rush in... or take it way too slow. See #1. They are hurt/hurting with something that will never go away. So are they running to replace or running for something new? Baggage is nothing new or unique to Widowhood. And even the kind of baggage isn't.
- Widows might internally compare you to their ex'es? But they are also forgiving of small flaws/quirks because they miss those quirks that annoyed them in their late spouses. So non-widows don't compare you to exes? Learning to notice deal breakers and overlook minor quirks seems like good dating advice in general -- especially to those with children in the home. (Maybe a little restraint/caution is good, but a lot isn't).
- There was the "Widows that keep pictures, or wear rings", or "if they don't introduce you to their friends/family" means they aren't ready. Yeah -- in the extremes, that's obviously true. But it is a process. Friends/family can be judgy -- so there's a pacing issue there. Or some families/friends that are just easier to avoid confrontation by not sharing. And again, this applies to dating in general.
- In the end, I didn't find much value in these. If the diversity in a dataset exceeds the commonality in the dataset (and it does), then it's all noise (no signal/data). The advice was conflicting views trying to generalize things and where either too broad to be useful, or a stereotype that doesn't fit the many outliers. Sure, many people aren't self aware, all have issues and neuroses, but that applies to Widows, Divorceé's, career Single, married and cheating, and so on. So widows lost someone they loved instead of a more acrimonious break-up, and some have baggage from the loss (as they will always love their late spouses). The only thing I got from that is that insecure people need not apply. That doesn't translate into good generalizations for dating -- for them or who they are dating. I was hoping for some epiphanies/insights but got mostly garbage instead.
| It reminded me of the addage, "never stick your dick in crazy". Not bad advice... but crazy is good at hiding for longer than it takes for a guy to want to put his dick into someone (or some thing). I'm pretty sure it's an evolutionary tactic by crazy -- or crazy would have died out long ago. |
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Tags: Grief
