Resources on Grief.
Created: 2023-03-27
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Videos[edit | edit source]
TED Talk  |
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Nora McInerny - We don't "move on" from grief. We move forward with it.(Liked it) |
| TED Talk |
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Jason B. Rosenthal - The journey through loss and grief. (Meh. Didn't do it for me.) |
Books[edit | edit source]
- The Widower's Notebook by Jonathan Stanlofer The Widower's Notebook) felt like an art professor wrote a book about his wife's death, and how he responded. Which he was and did. But I don't have a kid to do roadtrips with, Melissa's death wasn't a mystery that required lawyers, I didn't become a basket case (yet), and didn't try to assuage my feelings of loneliness with a student 1/2 my age and her bisexual boyfriend, and I don't do New York pretentious dinner parties trying to out intellectual everyone else. So it was a bit long-winded and only superficially relevant to me. Someone died. That sucks. Feel bad for him. It might help some relate more than others, I was the others.
- It's OK that You're Not OK by Megan Devine This is more an academic's approach to how to better handle grief, and teaching people how to cope with grieving people as a back-handed way of teaching grieving people why people that don't know how to handle them sets them off? Why statements like, "it'll get better", or "at least you had X years", "they're in a better place" or "I suffered the loss of parent/child/pet" irritates some grievers. It converts the story from their suffering to the other, minimizes their pain, or they hear, "so get over it" at the end. So far, I get it, but not stickig with me, as I don't hear in the imagined sentence -- and I don't imagine in that they're trying to minimize my pain, convert it to being about them, or all the things that some people that want to be angry will do. But I have seen it in other grievers, so it's still good to review triggers and why.
- Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis This has various intros that give it context -- but it's sort of poets view of grief, why he misses his wife, and some pithy observations on the universe and God. Basically, Lewis defends against his own inner voices crisis of faith, by metaphysical/theological exploration of grief and why it is needed. Even if I don't agree with parts, or have the same issues as he did with grief, it resonated well and I like it. Observations like time is another word for death, since you can never have it back -- and thus grief is pining for the past. Or his worry about how his memory drops parts, or tweaks parts, and thus he's terrorized that his wife is gone, and all is has left is memories that are no longer her. That stuff is brilliant, even if irrelevant. It's like reading someone else's love letters, you bond even when they aren't applicable and it doesn't change anything in your own situation.
- The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion An experiental books, on what she went through at the loss of a husband and daughter at the same time (loosely). But I never went through denial or self delusion ("If I just do X, they'll be back"), time dialation, or "the fog" of war/grief. So interesting read on how other people cope/react with problems that I never had, but limited direct applicability.
Forums/Sites[edit | edit source]
- Young Widows/Widowers This is a page for people lost people they loved. It's tricky because they are dealing with different issues, like child-rearing and lack of resources. A lot of this didn't apply to me (we were childless, had means, and so on), but seeing/helping others that were going through it with more burdens and self-doubt (youthful insecurity, more immature relationships, etc.) all helped me come to terms with my own. It could have been a lot worse, and we got so much (which makes it both better and worse) compared to some others.
- Rooted By Grief Started by one of the members of Young Widowers, it's a similar but slightly broader Forum.
- Widowed Village By Soaring Spirits International, is a bunch of resources for Widows/Widowers. I used a few of those resources, just to see.
- Grief.com This has a lot of resources, but starting with what I consider a fallacy (the 5 stages of grief) doesn't help it's credibility for me, even when they use that to explain it's not linear or even that important. It's worse than that, it promotes ignorance by people think believe it exists.
- DC Widow Story of/by a 39 year old Widowed mother of 3, living in DC.
- Brave Widow VLOG on Widows. Smart Lady, I like her, and a lot of what she says. Not just because she had me on.
TV/Movies[edit | edit source]
- A Man Called Otto Movie where Tom Hanks plays a suicidal widower, trying to re-learn the value of life after the loss of his soulmate. A bit triggering.
- Shrinking AppleTV+ Show about a Widower.
- After Life Netflix - Dark show about a Widower. Very British dark/awkward humor.
- Dead To Me Netflix - Christina Applegate drama about screwed up people intertwining. (Lead is Widow)
- Sorry for your loss Show about how little a widow knew about her husband.
- Unstable Netflix - Rob Lowe as an unstable eccentric scientist that is more so, and trying to bond with his son, after the loss of his wife.
- P.S. I love you RomCom movie about a widow and her husbands messages from beyond the grave.
- The Patient Steve Carrel is mourning the loss of his wife.
- Land Dark movie about a broken lady isolating herself from people after the loss of her family.
🔗 More
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🔗 Links
- Sit down and shut up! - an article about how some grievers feel about advice from people who have no idea what they're going through. I think a ltitle harsh, and ignores the reality, that some grievers might need to hear that they're taking it too far (getting self destructive, etc). But it has points too.
Tags: Grief Lessons
