Just a burger
I invited a friend to go for a burger, then added, "just a burger". He was OK with it... but perplexed by the clarification.
~ Aristotle Sabouni
Created: 2022-01-28 |
This goes back to when I was about 21. I had gone to a work event (after hours drinks) with the consulting agency I worked for, and a bunch of us were sitting around eating, drinking and telling more and more crude jokes. When this cute girl across the table from me decides it's her turn to go.
- So she stops everyone, and says to me in her outdoor voice, “Do you know what the difference between eating pussy and eating a burger is?”
- I wasn't sure where this was going, but I replied, “No. Tell me.”
- So she says, “Do you want to come back to my place for a burger?"
It got some polite chuckles, but not quite the response she expects and I smiled wryly, and said, "I'll get my coat... By-the-way, have you met my parents? My Mom was a placement agent at the company I was working for, and my father had come with her (and also worked with the agency). They both did little finger waves. While others knew the relationship, this poor girl was a tag-along and didn't know that little nugget.
The people were laughing as the realization (horror) came over her. More so as she turned white, then red, and then rushed off saying she had to go to the bathroom.
I was getting up to follow her, and explain it was fine and funny as hell (my Parents weren't prudish), when my mild-mannered British Dad, said with his Queens English accent, "I'd catch her son, I bet she could suck-start a Harley". Which caused spit-takes, and tears of laughter...
I tried to catch up to her, but the poor girl was gone in a trail of cartoon smoke (ala road-runner), never to be seen in that El Torito, ever again.
I imagine she felt that she'd certainly blown her chance to make a first impression with the future in-laws? Though she'd obviously made an impression on my Dad.
Alas, while memorable, she never attended one of those events again, and I never got my burger.
But to this day, I can't ask someone out for a burger, without clarifying, "really, just a burger". And now all the burger joints seem like lewd references for me: SmashBurger, In-N-Out, 5 guys, Wendy's hot & Juicy, even Jack in the Box. They all get a little teenager snicker out of my perverted mind.
P.S. I don't know what a Tommy's Chili Burger would be, but I'm pretty sure I'm not into it.
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Tags: Me Humor Experiences Life
