Jesus saves... coupons and souls. I believe God has a sense of humor, and understands intent.
~ Aristotle Sabouni |
Memes/Religion/Christian • [40 items]
 Jesus: Do not be overcome by Evil. Overcome evil by being good! Left/Antifa: So we should attack the racists? Jesus: Let's go over that again...
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 Atheists use the electron as a logo to display their devotion to science. The electron was discovered by the same Christian who founded atomic physics.
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 Authoritarians at the Crucifixion (Easter): he probably deserves it.
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 Pope: if you want these beads, I'm gonna need to see some titties!
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 Holier than thou: "My favorite part is where Jesus feeds the multitudes after a drug test". Retort: "My favorite part is where Jesus feeds the multitudes by stealing a portion of everyone's income." |
 Things Jesus never said: Blessed are the tax collectors, for true charity doesn't come from the heart from from government confiscation.
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 You idiot. He said, "cast the nets!"
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 Here at Chik-Fil-A our pickles never touch, just like God intended.
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 Jesus, "I really don't care how religious you are. Just don't be a dick.
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 Radical Christians entered a Mosque and beheaded an IMAM! Of course they were real / all Christians, Climate Change is the real threat, and we all know Christianity is a religion of peace.
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 Coexist: out of gun logos.
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 My child, I never left you. Those places with footprints are where I carried you... That long groove over there, is when I dragged you for a while... |
 Drive by baptism! Saving sinners, one puddle at a time.
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 Suddenly Father Schober was not sure whether he should have bought his new crucifix at Ikea.
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 Remember, if anyone asks, they're emotional support animals
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 Only God can judge me! OK, you're an asshole!
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 Jesus facepalm. Time to flood the earth, again!
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 If you don't believe in God, then you don't get to make laws restricting him.
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 Student: Dear God, why do you allow so much violence in schools?! God: I'm not allowed in Schools! |
 God: Adam, you are to love Eve forever... Adam: Who is that? God: That's Keith Richards, he was here when I got here... |
 Remember that time I got pissed and drowned everyone? LOL. #ThrowbackThursday #GoodTimes
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 Q: Why use Google when Jesus has the answers? A: I'm not going to ask Jesus where to find midget porn! |
 WWJD: What would Jesus do? JWPNHGHITSITFP: Jesus would probably not have gotten himself into this situation in the first place. |
 Baby Jesus Bathtime: In!
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 Wife: What are your plans for Easter? Man: Same as Jesus... I'll disappear on Friday, return on Monday. Wife: Then I'll be Mary... show up pregnant and untouched by my husband. |
 Do you see that man over there Timmy? He murdered you and your family, but he repented, so he's here in paradise with us now.
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 Jesus: Help your neighbors and take care of the poor and helpless. Crowd: But Jesus, can't we just give our money to the Romans and let them do it? Jesus: I'm going to start from the beginning... |
 This is a poorly designed Jesus light-switch.
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 And, lo, Jesus fed the needy, but only after a public shaming on Twitter.
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 Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween? I guess they don't appreciate random strangers coming to their door.
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 So technically, Moses is the first guy to download something from the cloud to his tablet.
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 Chosen people to Moses while wandering the desert: "Recalculating. Recalculating. Recalculating." Moses, "Knock it off!" |
 Not a single airport or train station was blown up by Christian or Jews today.
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 Q: Why are Nuns head coverings judged differently than a chador/burka? A: Because Nuns don't randomly explode. |
 Pence, "You should spend more time on your knees"... I knew what he meant, but still...
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 This kite sucks!
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 Sells you the idea of Heaven. Drives around in a custom armored vehicle to avoid it as long as possible.
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 Jesus: I'm not healing your fucking hangover. (Happy New Year!)
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 Jesus: This one year I got so hammered! Happy Easter!
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 And the angel said unto him, "Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."... but lo, he could not. For the angel was making him hit himself with his own hands. (Gustave Doré, Jacob Wrestling with the Angel (1855))
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Tags: Memes/Religion
