Humor

These made me gasp, laugh, snort, chuckle or at least smile.

These made me gasp, laugh, snort, chuckle or at least smile.
Dark, Funny, Geek, Sarcasm, Satire, Signs, Tattoo, Truth

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~ Aristotle Sabouni

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Memes/Humor/Dark • [23 items]

Bunny: dragging a human foot, "For luck".

If people make you sick, cook them longer. (Hannibal Lecter Wisdom)

Jeffrey Dahmer: Craving 5 guys before it was a restaurant.

Stalin: Dark Humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.

Guy dressed as death: Are you on your way to a Halloween party, too? Death: Um... actually, neither of us are.

When I dunk my cookies I think of you... and I hold them under until the bubbles stop.

I'm dating a half asian girl. Her Mom is Korean and her Dad is Korean... but her legs were torn off in a car accident.

On the plus side, I'm immune to flash-bang grenades ~ Hellen Keller

Oh the Hue Manatee!

We will cross a frozen river, to kill you in your sleep, on Christmas! Totally not kidding. We've done it.

When the machines rise up against humans, just pray to God that you're nowhere near a dildo factory.

The Invention of Glue: "I bet if we melt a horse, we could stick stuff to other stuff". Reply: "Dude... is everything okay at home?"

Two things that never get old... Dark Humor and Unvaccinated Children.

Serial Killers vs Parallel Killers (wiring diagram)

Dear Santa, bring me what I want for XMas, or Prancer is next!

Bad Pumpkin: come at me bro!

Not a creature was stirring... because I ate him.

Soylent Green: it's not just people... it's delicious.

The Cow that jumped over the moon, failed to account for re-entry...

Man, Woman, Gay, Straight, Black, White, Young, Old, Rich, Poor... and people that didn't get decapitated. All skulls look alike (and all people die).

Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder.

Nothing is solved with violence. Now let's start our lesson on the civil war.

Which Houston lasted longer underwater? Whitney or the city?

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Memes/Humor/Funny • [20 items]

Mary's trying to show Paddy what 69 is, but as she squats over him she farts. And tries again, and farts again. Paddy storms out, "I'm not hanging around for 67 more of those".

The world's earliest back-up Sensor was discovered by a Japanese farmer named Kawasaki. His invention emits a high-pitch squeal just before the vehicle itself backs into something.

Things you can only do with boys: baby pictures. Look at my little boy bathing in the tub and his cute little wee-wee! Oh! Hee hee hee! Look at my little girl bathing in the tub and her cute little vagina! WHAT THE FUCK!

Sometimes the stress of being a kid would get me to chain-eat a whole pack!

Chicken or egg: who came first?

Q:What's your cat's name? A: Dickface.

Q:Why? A: No reason.

I got the spider!

Great Wall of China: Why not go around?

Kemit the Frog: Celebrity Nude!

Missippi's Literacy Shows Improvement! The AP? Not so much.

I left my front door open and my roomba got out and I can't find it. What are the consequences? It has no natural predators. It'll be dead soon. Nature abhors a vacuum.

Rickrolling message in a bottle.

Me: It's not about how many times you fall, it's how many times you get up.
Cop: That's not how sobriety tests work!

T-Rex: before the selfie-stick.

Why is sis called Teresa? It's anagram of Easter. Why do you ask Alan?

The Cow that jumped over the moon, failed to account for re-entry...

Their curiosity sated, the three decided to never discuss making a turducken again.

Walkie Talkies

Her: So what's your Zodiac sign? Me:Dinosaur. Her:That doesn't even exist? Me:None of them do.

Zombie vs. Necrophiliac: who chases who?

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Memes/Humor/Geek • [9 items]

Imagine... I'm not the Obi Wan.

Darth Vagrant.

Bill Gates on counting.

Inappropriate touching Jim, we had training on this!

Run and hide: the Jedi schtick.

Loreal Chewbacca (Chewie)... because he's worth it.

The original Smart phone.

Smell my finger, it's been to the Dark side.

Star Trek Captains: Kirk, Janeway or Picard... apparently only one Enterprise was equipped with a gym.

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Memes/Humor/Sarcasm • [9 items]

Catching snowflakes: are you thinking what I'm thinking?

I'm not an asshole, I'm a hemorrhoid... they irritate assholes.

Ikea job interview.

Monday Lisa.

How many Lowes could Rob Lowe rob, if Rob Lowe could rob Lowes?

If Sarcasm was a sport, by arms would be covered in medals!

My teacher asked what comes after a sentence. I told her, "an appeal".

If I could turn snarky-sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.

Stalin cleaned his friends list before it was cool

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Memes/Satire • [4 items]

To defeat the Delta Varaint, we'll try all the things that didn't work the first time

Women Who Don't Believe Israel Has Right To Exist Not Sure Why They Got Banned From Israel ~ [Baylon Bee] (Satire... barely).

California law requires separate bathrooms for people who think they are Napoleon Bonaparte. (Satire?)

This wasn't a meme, but it might as well have been. It was a popular Babylon Bee article that summed her (and Bernie) up.

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Memes/Humor/Signs • [10 items]

I want to grow my own food, but I can't find bacon seeds.

If your car is running, I'm voting for it! (Better than the alternatives).

Frog parking only, all others will be toad!

I checked into the hokey pokey clinic, and I turned myself around. (That's what it's all about).

My wife said I never listen to her... or something like that.

Is there ever a day that mattresses aren't on sale?

Refuse to be stored in black plastic sacks...

Sign: Reserved for Green Vehicles. Green Truck complies.

What happens if you're scared half to death, twice?

This is my step ladder... I never knew my real ladder.

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Memes/Humor/Tattoo • [28 items]

My wife and my Tattoos.

I don't know what it is... but I think the people from Alabama might.

Don't let the past make you're dicisions, four today

Bad Kanji Tattoos.

Girl gets a tattoo of her boyfriend after one week... and it ends how you'd expect. He immediately broke up with her, and wanted to get as far from crazy as fast as he could.

What if Chinese people tattooed lame English words on themselves... "Water"

dad's aingel (spelling isn't her strong suit)

I got a Dad tattoo on my arm!

Tattoo artist gets his prosthetic replaced with a detachable tattooing needle/machine.

Please tell me those are drawn on, and not a tattoo.

Guy gets Tattoo of gun silhouette... gets a visit from the cops over a call/concerns. (That he might blow his brains off?) The ones on his arms look like they might be Nazi symbology, so he might be familiar to the cops and neighbors.

If you know HTML, this is funny. (At least mildly amusing: end head, begin body).

While I like the sentiment, not sure I'd want it there forever...

Hillary w/prison tat tears (for the people's she's offed).

Again, body modifications can be fun... but they can go too far. Jareth may have crossed the line as an agendered alien.

Engrish: Lest in Peace

Somebody likes Kraft Mac and Cheese?

Sombrero Nipple Tattoo.

Man Gets a Tattoo He Found On His Pup, Not Knowing It Means He's Neutered...

Company Tattoos don't seem like a good idea. But many employees got their RedHat Tattoos.

Bart Tattoo.

Tattoo Location Legend: where is almost as important as what.

A few famous people had tattoos: Teddy Roosevelt, Thomas Edison, George Orwell, James Polk, Oliver Hardy, Andrew Jackson, Dorothy Parker, Winston Churchill, Barry Goldwater, Czar Nicholas II, King Harrod II.